My open letter
I am here and I want to be the first to let you know I am proud of you . I encourage your strength and wanted to let you know its okay to pick up where you left off. I have found myself these days feeling like I had very little to say and no time to express. You know the daily routine of being a mother , daughter , sister, friend , business women and student . With the constient presure of knowing there is no much ,more out there for me and yet in the same breath I am still giving to some things that are draining me. For the last few months I have 4 entries to post but my mind seemed blank . My creative juices where on hold waiting for me to show up and pick them up . The truth is I have been stuck in a battle of the what I said I wanted verse what I decided to go after . After countless assessments I have realized more than once.I am putting certain things that are not being reciprocated and it’s too DAM EXPENSIVE to carry the Torch for something’s that simply need to fall to the waist side .
Now I get it ….everyone is not going to give or receive the way you do and that is fine . The problem is Believing you deserve the Stars while you are only giving the view . NAH … that just ain’t going to WORK.
Although I am aware of what I wanted I could not shake the feelings and if I am fully honest I allowed them to rob me in different areas of my life . You have to willing to be extremely honest with yourself in order to move forward . I recently experienced a loss that hit way to close to home . I am not sure which is worst the fact that I cannot call her or that I didn’t get a chance to see her as we planned to do . Either way it shifted some things inside me .
I Come First
I have found myself moving back towards the end of the line in these past few months . I’ve noticed that we can allow the responsibilities of who we are and what we have to do to come a priority. Yes I am responsible for a lot and a whole human that depends on me to be excited when I pick her up from school , to hear about her day , to take her to the library to sit on the couch and eat popcorn and watch movies . Which by the way I love. What I was missing was my journal . Going to the Gym and getting lost in my Rick Ross .
I tell my girls all the time no one is good if we are not good . As we make our list of what we need to do make sure your needs are first .
I cannot halfas* this any longer . I would allow the length of the relationship to take presidents over the value . I would find myself filling up their cup while mine is being emptied over time . IT was too expensive. If you let them people will get comfortable taking and not putting in . I am nobody second option . If I am not on your first wave when you circle back I am CHARGING DOUBLE. And nobody is exempt.
This is my open letter to myself as I am making the commitment to pick up where I left off . Life is going to happen just don’t stay down .